February 2012
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I mean, it’s fine. I’ve just been studying for fucking midterms all SATURDAY night. This never would have happened pre-honors thesis/mid-college crisis. I feel so incredibly lame and bored.
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“Was it love, or just something that reminded me of
Something that felt a lot...”
– The Perishers, Come Out of the Shade
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“This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew...”
– Lorrie Moore, Like Life
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“Other people’s views and troubles can be contagious. Don’t sabotage...”
– Epictetus
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Today I need to:
Shower
Clean my room
Go to CVS and pick up my medicine
Try not to be hungover
Do my honors app
Do midterm questions 1 & 2
Begin social psych midterm study guide (ch. 1 - 3)
Read Sachs 9, 10, 11
Also I forgot I have an all day event on Saturday, so that sort of screws me over for all that I had planned to do that day. Blah, midterms week just sucks.
Starting today
Fruits
Vegetables
NOTHING WHITE (i.e. white pasta, white bread, etc.) - MORE WHOLEGRAINS
Yogurt
No french fries (EVER. AGAIN…WELL. For like four months.)
Gym 5+ times a week
Bigger breakfast, small dinner
This is happening.
I just have to keep reminding myself that without you, there’s more time to do things for me. That’s a plus, right? I can be a little bit selfish now.
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Also sorry if it bothers you that I’ve been talking about my weight so much. It’s just like I’ve gained 8-10 pounds since two summers ago and I loved how I looked then and now I’m just not that confident with my body anymore. AND I’M TRYING SO HARD TO LOSE IT. And it’s just not working. I workout so much and I eat way less and way better than I used to....
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If I could literally just drop ONE size I would be so happy. I’m not asking to be model thin or anything. I just look fucking awful now.
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Why is losing weight so hard? And why does it take such a long time? All I am is frustrated.
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“And once again I believe that nothing that’s important really becomes...”
– Miguel Sousa Tavares
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Could I just not do school anymore?
Ok…
One midterm down, two to go. And a paper. Dying.
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Can’t tell if I’m unhappy, exhausted, or stressed out. Maybe I’m unhappy because I’m exhausted and stressed out. I don’t know.
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“We break down, we lose touch. Sometimes we are alone.”
– Ed Sheeran
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“I know that’s what people say— you’ll get over it. I’d...”
– Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
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“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”
– Bette Midler
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Skipping the party. I’m so exhausted I can’t get out of bed. I’m just going to do nothing and then absolutely pass the fuck out.
